This was a guest post about a week ago on my clients website, Michelle Tillis Lederman, but wanted to share here as well. I never thought that I would spend so much time on social media but after reading Michelle’s book The 11 Laws of Likability […]
Month: February 2015
This is the first Sunday of Lent, and it took me a while to honestly figure out what I was planning on fasting or even if I was going to fast anything. I don’t think it is safe to fast food at my size but things that really keep my attention away from the Lord was another story. Something I have always been aware of, is that I have a tenancy to make idols out of…anything. I can’t stand that about myself and yet I don’t change it, I just change the idol. I don’t think that anything I partake in or have in my life is something that is BAD but I don’t use it for good. Our preacher made the comment this past weekend in his sermon about how money isn’t bad…it isn’t the root of all evil…it is what we do with it that is the issue…it is a heart issue.
As I got into that thought process though and into the heart behind MY heart issue I saw this on She Reads Truth this week as we walked into the Lent Study:
“My mind and body are tired, my heart is numb, and I just feel… forgetful. Disconnected. Distracted. Remind me what we’re doing here again, Lord? Remind me of who You are. Remind me of what You’ve done.”
I read those words and was floored…that is EXACTLY how I have been feeling…Lost, disconnected, DISTRACTED. I don’t like that feeling of being numb towards my God, the God of the Universe, the God who created ALL that is and will be. So as I started thinking about what I wanted to give up, I decided that I wanted to give up my time…It isn’t mine, it’s His to begin with (just like our money isn’t ours its His…our lives aren’t ours…there His). I need to work and He knows that, He provided me with the job…but with that job comes a lot of free time. That free time…it’s His. If I am not watching TV with Adam (I love that shoulder to shoulder time) then I am not watching anything. If I am not doing work in one way or the other online then I am not on. I just want to find that place of peace in His arms, I want to rest in His arms not the arms of the sofa while I mindlessly binge-watch Netflix. (That shouldn’t be a thing…but it is.)
I don’t think that we HAVE to give anything up. What I think we need to do is be reminded of God, come back to a place of worship and praise at the feet of those that were pierced. This time of Lent is a time of remembrance…these are the days leading up to the most important time of a Christ followers life…the day that Christ died for us and then rose again 3 days later. This was the point. How amazing is that??? I want to be brought back to a place of being humbled and reminded of WHY Christ died…He didn’t do it just because, it was to cover our sins…yours and mine.
Are you planning on giving anything up? Or are you planning on just giving back to God what is truly His in the first place…Your heart.
In your walk with the Lord there will be hills and valleys, deserts and rainforests. For me, I am in a desert. I am in a dry spell of studying the Word, of hearing His voice, and of even understanding scripture. And you know what??? It’s OK. I just want to make sure that I come out of this desert strong, and focused on the Word. While I am wandering around, it is hard to hear Him…I don’t know if He isn’t speaking right now or if I just have my ears closed to tightly but I am not hearing much. I am feel numb almost. I still believe, I still trust, I still have faith, I am still praying and reading but just kind of…BLAH. And that is OK. I don’t want to be here forever, but I don’t want to rush out if God has something for me to learn here.
Over the years I have found that I rush through things. I remember thinking during our vacation the winter that lead into my final year in the Air Force that if I could just by-pass the entire year I would be happy. I feel that I missed out on a lot during that year because I had that mentality. I had the same thought process while in Arizona for those 7 months alone…”I will just wait until Adam gets here to do…X Y & Z.” And that was the worst way to live down there, I didn’t do anything, I didn’t experience much.
Everyone keeps asking us what we are planning on doing now that I am back. I HAVE NO CLUE. We are waiting. We are sitting in the desert waiting. We have a 6 month lease on this apartment, God might tell us in month 3 or he might tell us at month 5 and day 28 what He has planned for us, but either way we are waiting. It isn’t easy, let me tell you. I read something from RELEVANT Mag. that really stood out, almost yelling at me and helped me see that waiting isn’t a bad thing,
“I’ve always believed God is just as interested in the journey as he is the destination. If not, all the biblical accounts would only include the feel good parts and not the good, the bad and the ugly of the times of waiting. We may not always understand why we have to wait, but the good news is that God never asks us to wait without Him.”
Part of me wants to have something planned, to have a goal to reach for but I don’t think we are in a place to have a major goal ahead of us. We have small goals that we have set with our money, my fitness and my personal business but nothing huge. I want to see what God has for us. Once He tells us what we should do, then we will move forward, but for now it might be best to sit here, quietly, in the desert and wait on Him.
“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.”
“Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!“
Let me know in the comments below if you have been or are in a desert right now. What do you feel you learned while sitting there waiting on the Lord?
There are a few people out there that doing their “monthly favorites”…I tried it…it isn’t my thing. BUT something I did want to try and stick to was a joy and blessings recap of the last month. I am trying to go out of my way to find happiness and joy in my daily life. I want to change the way I see EVERYTHING in my life and this is how I am going to do it.
The month of January was hard to say the least. Adam and I decided that I would move back to Minot at the end of the month and that was not an easy choice for me, but I didn’t want to spend the whole time being sad, depressed and overwhelmed so sought to find things that made me happy.
The first thing I will mention is the simplest and to some, maybe the silliest. But my IPSY bag from January was just amazing. If you don’t know what IPSY is I have a post up that you can check out from a previous month. This month the bag was cute, and ALL of the products were amazing. It is the simplest thing but it really just made me happy.
I was able to go visit my Oma and Opa for a weekend. I am not that close to my dad’s family (or my mom’s for that matter) but since I was living in AZ and they lived about 4 hours away on the Cali boarder I hopped in the car and went over. It was great, we went out to eat and spent time getting to know each other again and for me that was a huge blessing.
The next would have to be the walks out in the sunshine with the dogs. We went to the part about 1.5 miles away and walked about 2 times a week. That might not seem like much, but for me my true happiness is found in being out in nature, in the silence just breathing in the fresh air.
Along the lines of the walks with the dogs I tried to spend an hour every day just sitting outside enjoying the sunshine. Whether I sat by the pool and read or I went to the park and wrote in my journal, I got outside, the beautiful sunshine and soaked it up while I could.
I have said this before and I will say it again…I love my job as a Virtual Assistant. I am so thankful that I get the chance to work from home, take care of the dogs, the house and all that comes with that. Also Adam works a 4 on 4 off schedule so on his days off we get that extra time together. PLUS as we decide when we are going to expand our family this gives me the chance to have a job, contribute to the income of the family and be home for the kids. (Again that is a when, not right now…)
I was so blessed while I was in Arizona to have friends that reached out and meant so much. Adam’s best friend and his family live there along with another good friend of theirs from high school and his wife. The 3 of us women really grew close. Adam and his bf both said that his wife K- and I HAD to be besties…little did they know we really would grow a deep friendship along with R- and I couldn’t ask for more. The 3 of us had girls lunch, a packing party for me, and just weekends of laughs (mainly at the guys expenses) just hanging out having dinner. K- and I were also in a similar boat for a chunk of time with her husband deployed, it was great to have a friend who knew what I was going through.
I am going to be honest, I didn’t really go to church while I was down there. It was painful, and not anything towards God of course but I was so lost as to what home was and going to a new church felt wrong almost, I don’t know how to describe it. I did like the church that went to a few times while there and made some amazing friends but I felt that I got more out of the bible study that I did every Saturday morning with a couple of the girls from the church. We gained such an instant bond that I wasn’t expecting. They were so supportive in everything and it meant the world to me the last week I was there, they stopped by and brought me a small cactus to bring back with me as a going away gift. I love that little plant, and I can’t really kill it lol.
The last blessing I had from the month of January was the last day…I got to see Adam after 3 months apart. It was amazing seeing him and knowing that I didn’t have to say good-bye 3 days later.
Keeping this list and focusing on the blessings in my life is helping deal with the depression and anxiety that have been creeping into my life. I know that it is easy to get stuck in the pit of mud and muck and just stay there but I have found that when I write out my blessings daily and the things that bring me joy, even the simplest of things like a cactus, that I am in general a happier person.
What were your monthly blessings for January? Let me know in the comments below also share if there were favorites from this month that just made you happy like my IPSY bag made me.